Seventh Excerpt from Ne'er Do Well

Chapter Seven

            Steve was hiding in an alleyway located deep within the Downtown area. He was freezing and was beginning to grow restless. Thoughts flew through his head; “Is he still following me?” “Has he given up?” Steve was not in any condition to carry himself home. The feeling he dwelled upon was of a simple matter: It stemmed from a small seed of hopelessness, slowly, but carefully watered until it eventually grew into the large stalk we saw now. This stalk would continue to grow, now, because it had already been nursed to size, and once one had allowed a weed to grow, it would not stop easily. Perhaps Steve merely needed to ‘cut’ this stalk down… But, alas, it would take some time to dispose of this one, for it may have already spread its own seeds, or perhaps even had invited its pleasant friends of jealousy and hatred…

            Presently, I shall bring us back to the home of Kresh McCore…

“Wake up woman. I’m hungry.”

Kresh lifted his heavy, heaving body from the bed and stomped his way to the kitchen. He opened his Steven’s Brand refrigerator door and removed his usual breakfast beverage: Milk. He poured his favorite thick, white substance carelessly in to the glass, spilling drops needlessly across the table. He did not care. What reason was there for a simpleton such as himself to mind such a simple matter as making a mess? His stalk was fully grown and it was much more than a simple weed; it was a disastrously tall tree, with vicious thorns and was unable to grow leaves of its own, owing to the dark exterior it fashioned. His tree was the type you found in the yards of those haunted houses. Of course, his tree must have surely been the one that had planted many others of its kind, such as the one which plagued our good hero, Steve.

            And once again, our terrible, deeply under confident villain made his way off for another day of failure, and most surely, another day of success in the form of individual expression. What type of expression you may ask? The type he offered to his wife. The man was an artist, and he painted a most beautiful canvas, incomparable to many of the best artifacts still present in Ne’er Do Well today. While the portrait might have been frightening to some, it actually incorporated many of the desirable traits found in our world today, such as the stability offered from conformity, the pressure relieved from the oh-so-simple act of violence and abuse, and most surely we could not forget the godly title he was so blessed to be brandished with: Enforcer. Yes, Kresh was probably the closest to the title of God… Or at least He felt so. And so did his peers! Ah Kresh, we, the readers wish you the most of luck on your journey to self awakening and happiness!

“Oh, there goes my hero! He’s off to change the world again!” his wife valiantly thought as she slowly wiped a false tear from her eye.

Now, finally, I will quench that ever-so-tantalizing desire you’ve had to witness the actions of our brave, but sorrowfully indifferent hero. I bring us to him now!

“What point is there?!”

Driven to the ends of pointless indifference again…

“I see no use in this constant cat and mice game! I’m done! It’s time for action!”

Yes! It seems our hero has used his anger as a conduit for action! Let us take hold of our buttery snacks and let us clench our children closely in our arms, for Steve has taken action (For the first time in, well, almost ever)!

Steve knew that he needed to take action, and that he required a solution, so, he returned to headquarters. And, I say, if the logic is fine and all that, that at that time, Steve could’ve used a good book. And, he found just that when he arrived. A grand title, “The Forgotten History of Bloated Bovines by Mark Taylor”! In the third chapter he licked a tantalizing historic record of utter sizes over the course of the past thirty years, and came across a CD titled “Recording, 320 KB/s, Compact Disk, ‘The Mating Sounds of a Distressed, Enlarged Bovine’”

Eyes widened, he quickened his pace as he made his way to the nearby audio listening lounge. He sat, and inserted the divine disc into its proper place. As it spun, he heard the blessed sounds travel softly through his eardrums, and as the noises grew louder, his eyes grew in proportion; finally the noise climaxed and softly lowered to a sweet timely finish. At this exact moment, Steve had experienced a divine, irreplaceable gift that perhaps none of the occupants of this building could have received.

“Oh, I see. You get a kick from cow porn, huh?”

Wait. Steve recognized that voice. But how? How did she get here?

Steve inched his head slowly around the bend until he caught sight of the beautiful wench he knew from the library.

“Why, hello there! How did you get here?”

The new librarian laughed.

“I work here now. You’ve inspired me. Now, I’m going to be shuffling books with the gods!”

“Ha! Just because we are trying to change the world doesn’t make us gods.”

“Either way, I have to return to the front desk. Goodbye, Steve.”

She was doing it again; playing with that damn toy.

“Phew.” Steve was relieved.

“Wow. I never would have thought YOU would be one of the ones who took an active interest in bovine sexuality. Heh, I guess each his own, I suppose.”

“Aw come on, you know I found it by accident.”

“No, you didn’t Steve. I’ve read it. It’s the picture book with the fat cows… and those... enlarged utters.”

“It’s not what you think! I grabbed the book by chance! You know, figured I’d play the chance card today!”

“You and I both know that you only read books that interest you.”

“Ah, well, fine Jerry.”

“So, I hear you had a run-in with Kresh. Quite a brute he is, huh?

“You’re tellin’ me. The guy just as surely would have ripped my face off. Did you see what he did to that car? He’s a maniac.”

“No. He’s just plagued with a disease I call ‘Enforcers Syndrome’. Quite common really.”

“Well this ‘Enforcers Syndrome’ is deadly.”

“Yes, yes. It is.”

Jerry led Steve to the camera room, where he once more caught sight of the various cameras spread about Ne’er Do Well. Contrary to what may have originally been assumed by some of my many diverse readers, the cameras belonged to the Headmaster. They had hacked them and now used them for their own purposes.

“So here we have Kresh, and as you can see, he is at your house.”

“Whoa, whoa, wait. Wait a minute! There’s a camera in my house?!”

“Six actually. One in the kitchen, one in the bedroom, one in the living room, one in the yard, one in the shower, and one in the toilet.”

“Why the toilet?”

“Not sure. We think he puts it there to monitor the health of the citizens.”

“Creepy.”

“Yep.”

“So, anyways, what we’re going to have to do is head back to get a few things.”

“Why? I don’t need anything.”

“The tracker. I think it’s still in a pair of your pants.”

“Should we wait for him to leave?”

“No. Kresh will be there all night. Look. He even brought his battering ram.”

“You mean his wife?”

“Yeah.”

“Ahh. I was wondering how he got in to my room. Had that thing locked up real good.”

           

            And so our bold heroes prepared for battle. But could they defeat the giant enforcer Kresh McCore?