8th Excerpt From Ne'er Do Well

I have decided to share actual excerpts from Ne'er Do Well. I will no longer share full chapters. Here it is:

I also came across an auspicious find: A lighter, likely belonging to Steve. It had the print of a wondrously unclothed woman with an auspiciously endowed bust and a gracefully gifted rear. Only Steve would have had this beautifully hand-crafted accessory in his possession. Turning over the lighter and looking under the small machine yielded splendid results, and led me to discover the origins of this fine ware. ‘Made in China.’ it read. Amazing! Who could the famous artist in question be? Perhaps, he, in order to create more mystery and intrigue in the lives of the family members and others related to the owner, added this unascertained label, so that they could then furthermore search throughout the lands for the name of the beautiful craftsman. The explorations would likely keep the man’s spirit alive, even after death, as the groups ventured throughout this ‘China’ in search of his other crafted possessions and wares.

After reminiscing on the origins of this accessory, I decided it was time I use it for myself, that is, try it on a cigar of my own. It was rusted, but, not without fuel! I was, at the time, thirsty for a taste of smoke. As I pulled the golden brown delicacy to my face, I flicked the lighter, and out of nowhere, a large fire spewed from the nozzle, burning my brows. The darned thing! Some ass probably felt it jolly fun to ruin this fine piece of… China. I shall call it China until I discover its true origin. With cigar in hand, I continued onward. Might I remind you, that a cigar does wonders for the mind of man. It stimulates the brain to a great degree, to one which could not be achieved normally without a great amount of time spend studying in say, a library, for hours; a cigar, is a quick slip to high intelligence. It was while I was puffing this fine thing that I came upon a new hunch. Call it intuition. I felt the wind was guiding me northwest, which was further away from Ne’er Do Well and led deeper into the forests. I was satisfied.